Drowning From Within
by Lady Briett
Summary: Hatake Kakashi never wanted to be Team 7's sensei, but it was inevitable. The naruto story...from his point of view.
1. Chapter 1

When Hatake Kakashi was summoned to the Hokage's Office by a chuunin at seven in the morning, he knew it would not end well.

_Ka-kakashi-kun, Rin has not been accounted for_

He had just returned from an A-Rank mission two nights before and had two more before he would be applicable for another one. Konoha was in peace, and so did not need to overburden her best ninja with constant missions.

He had left ANBU five years previous-honourably discharged. The official reason was "becoming too well known", which was probably true to some extent, but the real reason was that the Sandaime thought he was slowly losing his humanity. Which meant the summons wasn't because he was being reinstated.

All other reasons- punishment, demotion, promotion-were equally unlikely. He never did anything illegal, he was too good to be demoted, and was already a jounin.

That left one option: he was being called to take a genin team. The mere thought of one made him want to destroy something. Every year for the past five he had been given a genin team. Every one of those failed.

However, _those _children had been civilian's sons and daughters with the occasional unimportant clan member. They were children that he was allowed to fail-and in some cases, actually encouraged, by mollycoddling parents.

But _this _years' team would have students that he simply couldn't send back. He vaguely recalled that Uchiha Sasuke was of graduation age now. Somebody would eventually have to teach him the ways of his Kekkai Genkai, when he got it. And that person would, of course, be Sharingan no Kakashi.

_You killed my son! _

Kakashi shuddered to think what Sasuke would be like. Insufferably smart, no doubt, and with extreme dislike of his less-competent teammates. In other words, almost exactly like he himself was at thirteen. One would think it would be easier to teach someone like oneself, but Kakashi hated being reminded what he was like he when he was young.

_Everyone thinks I'm just like you, sempai_

The other two students were less set in stone, but one was probable: Uzumaki Naruto. He'd tried to avoid the boy, but seeing him occasionally was inevitable. Nobody knew what his parentage was, but it was rather obvious if you had only seen the Yondaime once. Kakashi had seen him a great deal more than that, having been his student. His son had the same unmistakable bright blond hair and blue eyes. Nobody else had hair or eyes like that. The Yamanaka's were close, but their colouration was more subdued, more sedate.

And Kakashi knew that he would not be able to help comparing Naruto to his father, would not be able to help thinking if only he'd never been born Minato-sensei might still be alive.

The chuunin academy teachers wouldn't know any of this, of course, but the Hokage had to agree on all the teams before they were finalised.

_I know they're only genin, but you should be around children of your_

Then there was the third student. It would be a girl, that much he knew: teams were nearly always two males and one female, but other than that, not a clue. Probably a civilian's daughter, graduated on her written marks and not her practical skills, most civilian-born ninja were like that (_Rin's parents were merchants, remember?_ echoed a voice in his head that sounded oh so familiar but he could not place, in a horrible, mocking tone.)

Suddenly a voice rang out, disrupting him from his thoughts.

"Um, 'scuse me, Hatake-san, but you should prolly get goin'," said the chuunin messenger, sighing slightly. Undoubtedly all the chuunin working in the Hokage's office had been warned about his…eccentricities.

_Why are you always so punctual, kid? Ever stopped to just look at the world?_

Fifteen minutes later, he was meandering into the Sandaime's office. He recognised a few jounin: Sarutobi Asuma, puffing away on a cigarette, Shirakumo Hayama, sulking in a corner, Kanden Tekuno, with whom he had once got really really drunk, playing with wire.

"Well, now that Kakashi-kun has so kindly joined us, Umino-kun can read the list of teams," said the Hokage, smiling in a way that was probably meant to be genial but came off looking diabolical.

The academy teacher, looking rather haggard, began to read.

"Team 1: sensei, Hayama Shirakumo. Students: Tobi…"

Kakashi let himself turn out the man's words. He would know when his name was called and his fate decided. Hopefully whomever they were good enough that they would make chuunin at the next exams and not bother him after.

_Hah! I made chuunin! I proved you wrong, as usual!_

After running through more names, mostly civilian, he came to the one Kakashi had been dreading.

"Team 7: sensei, Hatake Kakashi. Students: Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura and…he paused and squinted at the page, as if trying to decipher his handwriting…Uzumaki Naruto."

The Uchiha, the Uzumaki, and a civilian's daughter. Sometimes he really hated being right.

"_Uzumaki Naruto _managed to graduate?," asked a plain faced jounin with spiky brown bangs. "I thought he preferred _pranking _to studying."

"Wellll….," began the chuunin. Kakashi suddenly noticed the man's hitai-ate looked brand new. "Um, I didn't really think he would either, but he managed to pass in the end."

That was why they waited until the last minute to tell the jounin-instructors who they were teaching. (One would usually know they were going to be assigned a team a few weeks in advance though, even if nothing was officially said.) Still, though, did it have to be this early? Kakashi was _so_ not a morning person.

_Up and at 'um, son! Today's your first day at the academy!_

Slowly the rest of the teams were read and everybody departed. One woman seemed almost bursting with excitement about "teaching the next generation" and "helping Konoha's future". Her perkiness made his head. He needed a drink. Or sleep. Possibly both.

He knew he was supposed to be at the academy at a quarter past eight, but he…had a reputation to maintain, you know! Hatake Kakashi, the perpetually-late ninja. That same mocking voice from earlier told him it was because he was afraid, but he pushed it away. Him! Afraid of genin!

Some hours later, after several cups of coffee, helping that poor old lady in the flat next to his carry her groceries up the stairs, and a visit to the memorial stone, he walked into the Academy. The other sensei's had all already left, of course, which wouldn't engender him to his students. Not that he minded: it meant they would become chuunin quicker to get away from him.

_Sensei's sooo mean, isn't he, Kakashi-kun?_

A chalkboard eraser fell on his head. He didn't bother to dodge; it make him look incompetent, after all, and newly-minted genin were always arrogant and too confident in his abilities. Even he'd been like that once, all those years ago. Besides, now he had another good reason for wearing a mask: harder to breathe in dust.

There was his team-no, no. Not his team. _His_ team was long dead. His…students, that's what they were.

_My cute little students, this is a Very Important Mission for you! I have a mission of my own, and _

A flash of blond caught his eye, and there was Uzumaki Naruto, smirking. It must have been he who put the eraser on top of the door. It wasn't particularly surprising; the kid had a reputation as a prankster and a fool.

He had hoped that last part was just ignorant villagers, but seeing as even the teacher didn't think he'd pass, that was probably not the case. In this round of nature verses nurture, nurture won, for surely any son of Minato's wouldn't be so…so…he wasn't quite sure what, exactly.

_I loved him like a son, you know? I'd stay and look after his, but I've got my networks to maintain_

The other two children peered at him. One was Haruno Sakura, the reason for her name evident in her pink hair. He really should have asked the sensei about abilities-but it's not like he could break the space/time continuum, after all! Probably she'd be so average it hurt.

Then, Uchiha Sasuke. Nestled behind a high-collared shirt, like all Uchiha. He looked bored and faintly annoyed. His face was set into a half scowl that looked like it was his default expression.

_I can tell you're not smiling, you know, cloth can't hide that_

"My first impression of you guys…is that I hate you," said Hatake Kakashi.


	2. Chapter 2

He told them to go to the roof. Then-

Ahh, shunshin. It was one of his favourite jutsus. It wasn't proper teleportation, not like the Hiraishin, but it was nearly as good as for short distances. Plus it looked impressive to people who didn't know what it was.

_Can you teach me how to do that daddy?_

"Let's introduce each other-say your name, likes, dislikes, dreams, et cetera."

_Now, now, say hello to your new teammates!_

He told them about himself first. Well, not really, but it was the thought that counted, didn't it? Telling them that he enjoyed fishing and that his ambition was to live to see thirty would only give them ammunition to use against him. It would not do well for them to start to like him.

_I like training and I dislike suffering fools and my dream is to become a jounin by the time I'm fourteen_

Sakura was a fan girl, and it disgusted him. He hated fan girls. Half of that hatred was caused by them rarely being competent, but the other half was because Kakashi had been…mobbed by them, when he was younger.

_KAKASHI-KUN!_

Okay, he was _still _mobbed by them, but not to the same degree. They somehow always seemed to focus on same kind of boy; silent and talented and with no emotions to spare. It didn't make much sense to him, but he wasn't very good with relationships. Or girls. Or people in general.

_Here, it's my newest book! I think you'll like it._

Hopefully, the girl would grow out of that stage. If she didn't it was either death or…being relegated to messenger duty. The latter was only somewhat preferable to the former, at least to him.

_You'll be working at the missions desk until you're fully recovered. You need to learn you can't do everything yourself._

Naruto was…interesting. Kakashi wondered why the boy was allowed to live alone; he seemed to have a bit of fixation on ramen, which was quite unhealthy…and quite cheap.

_That stuff's gonna stunt your growth, you know. At least spring for instant udon!_

He wondered who the blond's mother was. The Uzumaki clan, traditionally allied with the Senju, were almost entirely wiped out after the destruction of Uzushio. It could have just been a random name given to him, designed to imply he was the son of foreigners, but Uzumaki's tended to have red hair. Had Minato-sensei been hiding a girlfriend?

_I'm just here to watch you lot, 'ttebane! Yeahh. Just…here to…watch. I swear, Namikaze-san!_

Sasuke went last. Kakashi wasn't sure how, but he could tell that behind the boy's collected façade, there was a desperate child, clinging to slowly fading memories.

_Why? Why? Why? _

A child who pushed others away and rejected all in hopes of reaching an impossible goal. Kakashi had sparred with Uchiha Itachi (he presumed that was who Sasuke wanted to kill) in the past, and even at thirteen he had been difficult to beat. Now…it would be impossible, or at least close to it.

Unless...that was he _really_ wanted, because he thought he should be dead. It was a scary thought, and reminded Kakashi why he had always tried to avoid Uchiha: they were incredibly, incredibly confusing and never had a clear motive for anything.

He told them about the survival exercise tomorrow and how only 33% percent of graduates actually became genin. It was true: some students had passed on book knowledge alone, some were far too brash and reckless to be good ninja, and some simply were unlucky enough to get a sensei who didn't want to be.

After giving them the rest of his little spiel, he Shunshin'd away, only to be confronted by a certain Green Beast.

"KAKASHI, MY TOO-HIP RIVAL! I HEARD YOU HAVE BEEN GIVEN A GENIN TEAM!," shouted the man.

"Gai, will you _please _stop shouting? And yes. I have. Again."

In a slightly quieter voice he replied, "But Kakashi! Surely you can see the value of instructing the next generation of Konoha Ninja! The Flames of Youth will die out if we do nothing!"

He was going to come up with a sharp retort, but as soon as he opened his mouth a boy came running out of the woods. He had shiny black hair, a green spandex bodysuit, and orange leggings.

"Gai-sensei! I have completed 500 laps around Konoha on my hands!," said the mini-Gai.

Kakashi gaped. Gai had a _son_? That..what woman would…it was an impossible thought.

"Ahh, Lee! May I introduce you to my Eternal Rival, Hatake Kakashi! Kakashi, this is my youthful student, Rock Lee!"

"Hello, Hatake-san!," said the boy, giving a slight bow.

He could see now that although superficially he and Gai looked the same, they were clearly not related. That was a relief.

Then, two other genin came out of the woods. One a boy (probably) with pupiless eyes who was wobbling somewhat, as if he was dizzy, and a girl who was cleaning a wakizashi and muttering under her breath.

Gai started to introduce those two too, but Kakashi was already far away by that point. He was glad to know that even if the children he'd been made to teach were weird, it could be worse.

**A/N: **Not as long as the last chapter, I know, but it seemed like a good place to end. I wasn't going to continue this because I didn't think anybody would like it, but I saw that it had already got one review. Yay! No more musing over Kakashi's motives in my head!

If you're reading this several chapters on, you can thank BlueSkyKite for the story still being around.


	3. Chapter 3

The sun was shining merrily.

"Fuck you, sun," thought Kakashi.

He didn't even have a hangover or anything. He was just not a morning person.

But, due to years of careful ninja conditioning, he woke up at six thirty every day, and it sucked. It sucked so much.

_Up and at 'em, kid!_

Well, time to make the donuts. Hm, was there any soda left in the refridgerator? (He hated always hated the taste of coffee. Too bitter. And tea was somehow even worse, even with sugar.) _It's an acquired taste, Kagami-oji-san says _

His fridge was nearly empty. There was a head of cabbage, several boxes of leftover takeout, a half a stick of butter, like six different flavors of yogurt, and a bowl of tuna. He...really needed to go shopping. When he was sober. Because he didn't recall buying this cabbage and he didn't even _like_ cabbage, so he concluded he had bought it while drunk, which really described the state in which he made the majority of his purchases. But nothing caffeinated.

And, then, he saw, there on the counter: a full two liter bottle of soda. But it would be warm. Damn.

Whatever. He would get a bottle from the convenience store. Kakashi sighed and walked into the bathroom. He had showered last night before he went to bed so to avoid having to do it this morning, but he still had to shave.

Was it weird he shaved every day even though he always wore his mask? ...Was it weird he wore his mask to bed? Probably.

He sighed. The Sharingan was as terribly red as it always was. His hitai-ate was in some other room, so he pressed a washcloth to his face both to avoid chakra drain and so he wouldn't have to see it.

One of the other jounin who had been chosen to have a genin team (he was pretty sure she actually _asked_ for one, the freak), had red eyes, and he could never look at her straight on. (Also, could her parents have been any less creative? Your kid has red eyes, yes, call her "crimson", that's sooo clever. Although considering one of his new students had pink hair and was named Sakura, he supposed it could be worse.)

Where even was his razor? Oh, yeah, in his hand. He really needed some caffeine.

_that soda will rot your teeth out, young man_

And oh man, had he forgotten to buy shaving cream again too? Well, liquid soap worked, sort of. Ah, nothing like the feeling of smooth skin! (Some chick had told him once it was even nicer when it was your legs, and then he had actually tried it and it _was_ but the feeling of unmanliness was really not worth it.)

Where were his pants? And he really needed to buy new underwear, too, didn't he? How did his boxers even get bloodstained? Fuck, had he been playing strip fencing again while drunk? So many questions. So few answers.

_That's your last drink, bro, unless you wanna go to some other bar_

Kakashi walked over to his dresser, hoping he had something clean to wear. He opened the first drawer. It contained one sock and nothing else. He only wore ninja sandals, why did he even _own_ socks? Or, uh, own _a_ sock, as the case may be. Then the second drawer, which contained: a probably-too-small ANBU shirt, two short-sleeved uniform shirts (which he would wear if he had to, but he really hoped he didn't have to), boxer briefs from that time he thought they were sexier or something, and _another_ sock, but one that was a different color from the first one. Where were all his clothes?

He looked around his room.

"Oh," he said, as he realized his clothes were draped over chairs; shoved under his bed, and awkwardly piled into what had probably once been a hamper but had since become a collapsed wreck of netting and wire after having too much piled on top of it.

There was one more drawer of possibilities. Well, technically there were two, but the bottom one had broken and it was too much effort to fix it, so he never put important things in there. He opened the third drawer. It had within...ONE uniform shirt and ONE pair of uniform trousers. _Folded._It was truly a miracle. Kakashi offered up a quick prayer to the clothing gods.

It was really hard to get dressed while holding a towel to his face, but he managed. His hitai-ate was on his bedside table like always, but where was his vest? ...oh, it was on the floor. Figures.

_this is the smallest size we've got. you're, uh, awfully young for a chuunin._

Now he was all ready to go. Except for his shoes. Which were hopefully right where he left them. Yeah. That was good. It was disturbing when stuff in your apartment got moved by someone other than you when you lived alone. (It happened to him a lot. Although he generally assumed it was because one of his friends carried him home when he was drunk and knocked something over accidentally or whatever. Some people thought ROOT was rummaging around their places, but he knew better: they would never be so careless as to not put things back where they were originally.)

_we are not the trunk but that which holds it up_

Before he left he glanced at the clock. 6:57. Not bad. He could meander around a while and go to the memorial stone before heading to the missions office or something...wait. He had a genin team now. Fuck. Well, he had time to do things before going to do whatever he was going to do with them. That bells thing was easy enough, he could do that, except did he even own any bells? Whatever, they couldn't be that expensive, he could buy them at a pet store or something. He really hoped they were more competent than they looked.


End file.
